Punishment for Having Monogamous Instincts

(Wednesday, June 22, 2005, 6:32 p.m.)

copied from Myspace blog

It seems to me sometimes that the whole process of dating penalizes men who prefer to focus their attentions on one woman. Time and again, I find myself attracted to and/or in love with a particular woman, only to find out she already has a boyfriend, or to have her become serious later with another guy she is currently dating. This, after countless sleepless hours and time spent thinking over what to say, what to do, how I ought to try to ask her out, and outright daydreaming about how wonderful things might be if a relationship developed with this woman. It's the story of how most of my romantic interests have turned out. Even now, there is someone here in Bloomington who I still long for, but who has recently moved in with a new boyfriend (although, comfortingly, at least a nice guy who she already was friends with rather than some random guy she met in a bar), so she's effectively lost to me.

I certainly notice other women and can be physically attracted to other women when I'm seriously interested in someone. But trying to pursue more than one woman at a time runs counter to my nature. It seems unsatisfying, unflattering, and unromantic. The trouble is, I always get burned with this attitude, even when my object of interest is easy-going and considerate of my feelings.

My male friends would advise that I think of dating as a numbers game and just meet and date a lot of women (even simultaneously) until I end up getting serious with one of them. I would worry less and be less set up for disappointment following this route. I get this, but when I try to put it into practice, it seems not right somehow, not me. My heart isn't really in it.

Ladies, do you have the same problems as we do in this respect? Guys, do any of you feel the same as I do about this?

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