The Witch Mammary Mystery

(Wednesday, September 5, 2007, 11:41 a.m.)

copied from Myspace blog

Witch milk production in our language is often associated with the weather, but there seems to be a matter of disagreement as to its effects. Have you ever wondered why some people saying "It's hotter than a witch's tit," when it's especially toasty outside, and others say: "It's colder than a witch's tit," during an especially freezing day? Well, are they hot or cold? How can they be both? It seems that the Aristotelian principle of identity is being violated.

Like most paradoxes (not including the "I am lying" paradox, however) this one has potential solutions. Here are some possibilities:
* The (different) authors of the statement have sampled from different witches: one of a hot and the other of a cold disposition.
* They change temperature, perhaps depending on the witch's mood. Presumably, when the witch is mad, they are scalding hot, and at other times (maybe when she's depressed or lethargic?) they are cold. This has the advantage of allowing the speaker to use both attributions on different weather occasions (both extremes in temperature).
* My favorite, which is…

That one is hot and the other cold. If you've ever been to a hotel in Britain, you'll notice that there are two separate faucets in the lavatories: one hot and the other cold. In order to wash your hands in one of these sinks you have to either very quickly use the hot water before it goes scalding, or you have to use the hot water for awhile, then switch over to the cold water. It's very inconvenient, to say the least, but probably not as inconvenient as being a witch's baby, having to constantly switch back and forth in order to get its nourishment at the right temperature.

Return to Blog Index.