My Love/Hate Relationship with Mysticism

(Saturday, April 11, 2009, 2:52 a.m.)

This is going to be something of a confession, I'm afraid. I'm not sure how many things I have truly ambivalent feelings towards, but mysticism is one of those things. By this I include both new-age California type mysticism and traditional organized religion. Depending on my mood, it is either loathsome or mysteriously enticing, and people who subscribe are adventuresome, playful explorers; or admirable, devoted human beings; or fatuous, presumptuous idiots. I define mysticism here as belief in the supernatural, whether it be a Creator-god or with some life-force that just happens to do the bidding of the human race and conveniently 'wants' us to flourish. This entry is a self-exploration, totally about me, so if you could care less about seeing the anatomy of an emotional ambivalence laid bare, you might want to skip the rest. I'm likely to offend somewhat, at any rate, if they have a cherished belief in some higher power. But if you have some ambivalence yourself, maybe you'll see some of yourself here.

The first step of dissecting an ambivalence is to isolate the elements that lead to the good and bad gut reactions separately. I'll start with the bad because it's a nice thing to end on a postive note, don't you think? I know I tend to prefer to hear the bad news first. So, what are the things that turn on my loathometer about religion and mysticism?

• Vanity / arrogance. When a religion claims that the universe caters to humans or, especially, to those particular humans that are believers, it strikes me as annoyingly presumptuous. To my mind, the evidence suggests that people are willfully deluding themselves into believing that the universe or God will take care of them because they're hot stuff. The worst case (thankfully rare in my own experience) are people that are so convinced they're right that they have to ram it down my throat. (Hopefully, I'm not too guilty of that sort of thing myself regarding my own viewpoint.)
• Gullibility. People are believing what they're told unquestioningly. Often they refuse to question the logic and evidence behind their beliefs which makes them seem like suckers who just might deserve the disappointment they receive when the universe or God lets them down. An atheist knows better than to expect Fate to be kind. The universe owes them nothing, so (in theory, at least) they are prepared to not expect life to be fair and turn out wonderfully.
• Intellectual laziness. People often believe unquestioningly because hey're not inclined to apply their own minds to the larger matters of the universe. They're content to let the preacher or the scriptures tell them what to believe. That bothers me, particularly when in conjunction with the arrogance issue.
• Mindless conformism. People often make themselves believe to fit in socially. To hell with that! Why should I pretend to believe something that seems on its face absurd? To bow one's intellectual apparatus to irrational social conventions seems a cop-out, to put it mildly.
• Mindless nonconformism. On the other hand, some people throw themselves into some fad religion just be different than the average Joe, so they can feel superior. I sometimes have a strong suspicion that some of the California new-agers fall into that camp. That seems about as bad, and maybe even worse than conformism. Either way, they are letting social factors warp their intellectual process.
• Denial. People believe what they want to believe just to make themselves feel better. Maybe this isn't wholly bad when it leads them to make more life-affirming choices, but when it leads them to expect God to bail them out, I have a problem, Houston. The hard truth is, in my view, that God doesn't bail people out; people bail people out: or sometimes dumb luck does so. Dumb luck is not dependable—even, I suppose, if you're Irish which I'm not, though I wonder sometimes—and people can be really hard to depend on (especially if you're an introvert like me who isn't always the most amiable, outgoing person and doesn't have a vast network of friends). But recognition of dependence on people, perhaps, can be a life-saving realistic assessment, whereas belief in a saving God can lead to a false sense of security.

Actually, there are very few people truly in my life who are believers that evoke strong negative reactions in me on a personal level. Mostly what I feel towards believers I know is mild exasperation for believing things that the evidence seems so thin for. Or, if the person is having a hard life and has need of the comfort religion brings, I feel some sympathy, though I wish there were a less delusional comfort they had to fall back on. I will be the first to admit that being a thorough-going atheist has its psychological disadvantages, and that a little illusion can be a great comfort, and if the alternative is suicidal depression, I'm inclined to let a person have their religion without carping too much. I try to minimize my exasperation towards my believing friends by telling myself that they have been too busy to really analyze things or don't have the right personality type to do so. (The latter may be true in some cases; a skeptic like myself is a different kind of breed than the norm, for better and worse.)

So now, let's turn to the positive or titilating aspects of mysticism.

• Just universe. The idea that there is a force in the universe that upholds good and punishes evil is pretty appealing, I must admit. I happen to think there is such a force, but it has to do more with social dynamics than with a bearded father sky-god or a karmic law.
• Living, loving universe. A universe of personal forces is something you can get acquainted with, argue with, persuade, reason with, coax, bribe, or otherwise influence. It is also capable, potentially of loving you and wanting you to succeed in life. I do think humans have some special qualities the universe has given them, but doubt the universe is enough of a personal being to care.
• God-given purpose. If there is a Divine Law or Creator, then a person can have a "divinely appointed" purpose. I do think each person is fated to follow a particular trajectory and that there are situations in which that person could flourish in theory, but the universe holds no guarantees and it strikes me as wrongheaded to think that there is a divine person that decides that Bob should be a plumber and Sid a senator. What decides these things is some combination of environment and genetics and it seems unnecesary to kick the matter upstairs to invisible spirits that conveniently behave in ways we understand.
• Escape to a magic world. As a lover of fantasy, I do like to escape the mundane from time to time. When I was a boy, I liked to imagine that I was some heroic or magic-wielding figure. (I would so have been into Harry Potter had he been around when I was a kid!) As a writer, maybe I've held onto some of that. Maybe it is even healthy as something of an inspiration for how I might improve my life in the present world. But I think it unwise to start to really believe the fantasy. That could lead to major disappointment and also make me look silly. There's a time to be in the clouds and a time to have one's feet firmly planted on the earth, and I think the best person is one who is capable of either on the right occasion.
• Afterlife / immortality. No-one really wants to believe that life and consciousness end utterly after death, and, as I discuss elsewhere, it is virtually impossible to imagine such a state of affairs as non-existence. (Maybe some yogi has, but it must be a rare state.)
• Mysterious knowledge. Okay, I admit, knowing arcane stuff can be something of an ego-trip for intellectual types like myself, sometimes even if you don't believe the arcana. Knowledge for knowledge's sake is something of a vanity, but a milder one, I hope, than the vanity that leads to crusades and inquisitions.

To summarize, the philosopher in me loathes religion and mysticism. The poet and the dreamer in me, however, find it seductive. I suppose the poet and the philosopher ought to sit down and have a discussion on the matter. Should they come to a compromise, or should they, rather, agree to disagree and negotiate when is the best time to take the helm of Self?

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