Expectations

I'm at a point in life in which I know
Not what awaits in future times to pass.
I can but hope to ever change and grow,
My knowledge and my wisdom to amass,
And that the hags of tragedy and woe
May never on my haven-hold trespass.

Ambition sleeps imprisoned in my brow,
A dormant flame awaiting fertile air.
My captain is not standing at the prow
But 'neath the decks and pacing by the stair.
The seas are calm and unforeboding now,
And yet my mind's arife with want and care.

A change, I long for change to break the mist
Of surly sameness, sluggish in its gloom,
The strife within my spirit to enlist,
A radiance in which the Self may bloom.
Alas, upon this moment I persist
In lying solitary in my room.

My thoughts remain far grander than my deeds,
Unfocused and undisciplined they roar.
Conflicting hopes beget conflicting needs,
And so desire and reason stand at war.
Each passion and each wistful fancy feeds
Upon the scant fruits of elusive More.

In diverse spheres, facility I've won;
Talent and potential are their yield,
And yet I feel I've scarcely even begun
To earn myself a name in any field,
And I fear that when my course of life is run
Exalted dreams will perish uncongealed.

I must make pause and seize upon a plan,
A concrete blueprint thoughtfully conceived.
To make the indecisive boy a man,
To mend my follies, real and perceived,
Then execute what part of it I can
And let my just endowment be received.

Can I raise myself to eminence,
Or is this young and foolish lad deceived?